Four Vows for an Epic Marriage: Building a Relationship That Honors God
Marriage was never meant to be a struggle. When God created the first union between man and woman in the Garden of Eden, He looked at what He had made and declared it "good." Yet somewhere between "I do" and the daily grind of life, many couples find themselves drifting apart, wondering what happened to the love they once shared.
The statistics are sobering. Approximately 41% of first marriages end in divorce, with even higher rates for second and third marriages. But here's the encouraging truth: couples who follow God's principles and keep Him at the center of their relationship experience something different—something epic.
An epic marriage doesn't mean a perfect marriage. It means recognizing our imperfections while choosing to navigate them together with God as our guide. It means facing trials not as opponents but as teammates, united in purpose and commitment.
The First Vow: Priority
"God is your one, and your spouse is your two."
This foundational principle appears throughout Scripture, most clearly when Jesus identified the greatest commandment: "Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength and with all your mind" (Matthew 22:37). The second commandment follows closely: "Love your neighbor as yourself."
In Genesis 2:24, we find God's design for marriage: "That is why a man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife, and they become one flesh." The word "leaves" comes from the Hebrew asav, meaning to loosen, to let go. God is establishing a priority shift—when you marry, you release your primary attachment to your parents and establish your spouse as your new priority.
But notice the order: God first, spouse second, then children, extended family, and others. This isn't arbitrary; it's intentional design. When we get this priority right, everything else falls into place.
Think about it this way: if there's a 77% chance you'll be in a car accident during your lifetime, you take precautions. You buy insurance. You wear your seatbelt. When identity theft affects 9% of people, we install security software and monitor our accounts. Yet marriage faces a 35-40% failure rate, and many couples invest little to nothing in protecting their relationship.
Your spouse doesn't belong to you—they belong to God. He has entrusted them to your care. They are valuable to Him, which means they should be valuable to you. When we understand this, we treat our marriages with the honor and respect they deserve.
The Second Vow: Pursuit
"I promise to always pursue my two—both God and my spouse."
Remember when you first fell in love? You stayed on the phone for hours, sometimes just listening to each other breathe. You spent money you didn't have on gifts and dates. You dressed up, opened doors, and put your best foot forward. You pursued with passion and intention.
But something happens over time. We get comfortable. We stop trying. We assume our spouse knows we love them, so we stop showing it. The grass starts looking greener elsewhere—not because it actually is, but because we've stopped watering our own lawn.
The Hebrew word davach, translated as "united" in Genesis 2:24, means to cling, to adhere, to catch in pursuit. It carries the idea of pursuing with affection and devotion. This isn't just for dating—it's for the entire marriage.
God calls us to close the gap between good intentions and actual action. Many people intend to invest in their marriages but let other things get in the way. Construction workers often have beautiful work sites but neglected homes. Similarly, we can pour ourselves into careers, hobbies, and other pursuits while our marriages deteriorate from lack of attention.
If you want a better marriage, you must be the one who acts first. Don't wait for your spouse to change. Don't focus on what they're not doing. Instead, grow in your relationship with God, and let that transformation overflow into your marriage.
The Third Vow: Partnership
"Our marriage will be about the 'we,' not the 'me.'"
When two people marry, two worlds collide. Different backgrounds, different family values, different personalities, different ways of handling money—all these differences can either divide us or make us stronger.
God created the church as a body with many different parts, each contributing unique gifts and abilities. In the same way, He brings two different people together in marriage, not despite their differences but because of them. When we embrace these differences rather than fight against them, we become more effective together than we ever could be alone.
Ephesians 5:21-33 has been twisted and misused to justify domination and control, but Paul's message is actually about mutual submission and sacrificial love. Husbands are called to love their wives as Christ loved the church—giving Himself up for her. This isn't about power; it's about partnership.
Marriage is a covenant, not a contract. Contracts are based on distrust and self-protection. Covenants are based on commitment and mutual devotion. It's not 50-50; it's 100-100. Both partners are all in, for richer or poorer, in sickness and in health.
Think of two oxen yoked together, pulling a plow across a field. When both pull in the same direction, the work is faster and more powerful. But when one tries to go a different way, progress becomes nearly impossible. That's why having a united vision is crucial—you must talk about your differences, then unite around a common direction.
The Fourth Vow: Purity
"I promise to confide in you and not hide from you."
Before sin entered the world, Adam and Eve were "both naked and they felt no shame" (Genesis 2:25). They had nothing to hide, no secrets, no embarrassment. But after they ate the forbidden fruit, everything changed. They realized they were naked and hid from God.
Secrecy in marriage is the enemy of intimacy. When we hide parts of ourselves—our struggles, our sins, our fears—we create distance. Confusion sets in. Our spouse senses something is wrong but can't identify what. Trust erodes.
First John 1:5-7 offers the solution: "God is light; in him there is no darkness at all. If we claim to have fellowship with him and yet walk in the darkness, we lie and do not live out the truth. But if we walk in the light, as he is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus, his Son, purifies us from all sin."
Walking in the light means being honest—with God, with ourselves, and with our spouse. It means confessing our struggles, asking for forgiveness, and extending forgiveness when our partner does the same. It means being committed enough to work through difficulties rather than abandoning each other when things get hard.
None of us are perfect. We all bring struggles and sin into our marriages. But when we're willing to step out of hiding and into the light, healing becomes possible. Intimacy deepens. The relationship grows stronger.
Psalm 119:9-11 shows us the path: "How can a young person stay on the path of purity? By living according to your word. I seek you with all my heart; do not let me stray from your commands. I have hidden your word in my heart that I might not sin against you."
The Foundation of Everything
These four vows—priority, pursuit, partnership, and purity—all rest on one foundation: a relationship with God. When both partners seek Him first, when they hide His word in their hearts, when they walk in His light, their marriage becomes something extraordinary.
An epic marriage is possible, but it requires intentionality. It requires putting God first and your spouse second. It requires continuing to pursue each other long after the honeymoon ends. It requires embracing your differences and working as a team. And it requires vulnerability, honesty, and a commitment to walk in the light together.
You want to see epic relationships? Seek God. Put Him first, then honor your spouse, and watch what He does. The blueprint is there in Scripture. The question is: will you follow it?
Marriage was never meant to be a struggle. When God created the first union between man and woman in the Garden of Eden, He looked at what He had made and declared it "good." Yet somewhere between "I do" and the daily grind of life, many couples find themselves drifting apart, wondering what happened to the love they once shared.
The statistics are sobering. Approximately 41% of first marriages end in divorce, with even higher rates for second and third marriages. But here's the encouraging truth: couples who follow God's principles and keep Him at the center of their relationship experience something different—something epic.
An epic marriage doesn't mean a perfect marriage. It means recognizing our imperfections while choosing to navigate them together with God as our guide. It means facing trials not as opponents but as teammates, united in purpose and commitment.
The First Vow: Priority
"God is your one, and your spouse is your two."
This foundational principle appears throughout Scripture, most clearly when Jesus identified the greatest commandment: "Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength and with all your mind" (Matthew 22:37). The second commandment follows closely: "Love your neighbor as yourself."
In Genesis 2:24, we find God's design for marriage: "That is why a man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife, and they become one flesh." The word "leaves" comes from the Hebrew asav, meaning to loosen, to let go. God is establishing a priority shift—when you marry, you release your primary attachment to your parents and establish your spouse as your new priority.
But notice the order: God first, spouse second, then children, extended family, and others. This isn't arbitrary; it's intentional design. When we get this priority right, everything else falls into place.
Think about it this way: if there's a 77% chance you'll be in a car accident during your lifetime, you take precautions. You buy insurance. You wear your seatbelt. When identity theft affects 9% of people, we install security software and monitor our accounts. Yet marriage faces a 35-40% failure rate, and many couples invest little to nothing in protecting their relationship.
Your spouse doesn't belong to you—they belong to God. He has entrusted them to your care. They are valuable to Him, which means they should be valuable to you. When we understand this, we treat our marriages with the honor and respect they deserve.
The Second Vow: Pursuit
"I promise to always pursue my two—both God and my spouse."
Remember when you first fell in love? You stayed on the phone for hours, sometimes just listening to each other breathe. You spent money you didn't have on gifts and dates. You dressed up, opened doors, and put your best foot forward. You pursued with passion and intention.
But something happens over time. We get comfortable. We stop trying. We assume our spouse knows we love them, so we stop showing it. The grass starts looking greener elsewhere—not because it actually is, but because we've stopped watering our own lawn.
The Hebrew word davach, translated as "united" in Genesis 2:24, means to cling, to adhere, to catch in pursuit. It carries the idea of pursuing with affection and devotion. This isn't just for dating—it's for the entire marriage.
God calls us to close the gap between good intentions and actual action. Many people intend to invest in their marriages but let other things get in the way. Construction workers often have beautiful work sites but neglected homes. Similarly, we can pour ourselves into careers, hobbies, and other pursuits while our marriages deteriorate from lack of attention.
If you want a better marriage, you must be the one who acts first. Don't wait for your spouse to change. Don't focus on what they're not doing. Instead, grow in your relationship with God, and let that transformation overflow into your marriage.
The Third Vow: Partnership
"Our marriage will be about the 'we,' not the 'me.'"
When two people marry, two worlds collide. Different backgrounds, different family values, different personalities, different ways of handling money—all these differences can either divide us or make us stronger.
God created the church as a body with many different parts, each contributing unique gifts and abilities. In the same way, He brings two different people together in marriage, not despite their differences but because of them. When we embrace these differences rather than fight against them, we become more effective together than we ever could be alone.
Ephesians 5:21-33 has been twisted and misused to justify domination and control, but Paul's message is actually about mutual submission and sacrificial love. Husbands are called to love their wives as Christ loved the church—giving Himself up for her. This isn't about power; it's about partnership.
Marriage is a covenant, not a contract. Contracts are based on distrust and self-protection. Covenants are based on commitment and mutual devotion. It's not 50-50; it's 100-100. Both partners are all in, for richer or poorer, in sickness and in health.
Think of two oxen yoked together, pulling a plow across a field. When both pull in the same direction, the work is faster and more powerful. But when one tries to go a different way, progress becomes nearly impossible. That's why having a united vision is crucial—you must talk about your differences, then unite around a common direction.
The Fourth Vow: Purity
"I promise to confide in you and not hide from you."
Before sin entered the world, Adam and Eve were "both naked and they felt no shame" (Genesis 2:25). They had nothing to hide, no secrets, no embarrassment. But after they ate the forbidden fruit, everything changed. They realized they were naked and hid from God.
Secrecy in marriage is the enemy of intimacy. When we hide parts of ourselves—our struggles, our sins, our fears—we create distance. Confusion sets in. Our spouse senses something is wrong but can't identify what. Trust erodes.
First John 1:5-7 offers the solution: "God is light; in him there is no darkness at all. If we claim to have fellowship with him and yet walk in the darkness, we lie and do not live out the truth. But if we walk in the light, as he is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus, his Son, purifies us from all sin."
Walking in the light means being honest—with God, with ourselves, and with our spouse. It means confessing our struggles, asking for forgiveness, and extending forgiveness when our partner does the same. It means being committed enough to work through difficulties rather than abandoning each other when things get hard.
None of us are perfect. We all bring struggles and sin into our marriages. But when we're willing to step out of hiding and into the light, healing becomes possible. Intimacy deepens. The relationship grows stronger.
Psalm 119:9-11 shows us the path: "How can a young person stay on the path of purity? By living according to your word. I seek you with all my heart; do not let me stray from your commands. I have hidden your word in my heart that I might not sin against you."
The Foundation of Everything
These four vows—priority, pursuit, partnership, and purity—all rest on one foundation: a relationship with God. When both partners seek Him first, when they hide His word in their hearts, when they walk in His light, their marriage becomes something extraordinary.
An epic marriage is possible, but it requires intentionality. It requires putting God first and your spouse second. It requires continuing to pursue each other long after the honeymoon ends. It requires embracing your differences and working as a team. And it requires vulnerability, honesty, and a commitment to walk in the light together.
You want to see epic relationships? Seek God. Put Him first, then honor your spouse, and watch what He does. The blueprint is there in Scripture. The question is: will you follow it?
Melvin Vandiver
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