Epic Parenting: Raising Children in Faith and Obedience
Parenting is one of life's greatest adventures—and one of its most challenging. It's a journey filled with joy, heartbreak, laughter, and prayers whispered in desperation. If we're honest, every parent has moments when they feel completely overwhelmed, unsure of what to do next, crying out, "God, help us!"
But here's the truth: if God gave us the gift of parenthood, then it's epic. It's good. It's part of His perfect design. And if God designed it, He also provided instructions for how to do it well.
The Reality of Imperfect Parenting
Let's start with what parenting is NOT: it's not perfect. There are no perfect parents, just as there are no perfect marriages or perfect friendships. We all struggle with sin, pride, and selfishness. We're prone to wander, prone to want our own way.
Every parent will fail at some point. You'll make mistakes. You'll blow it. Your kids will break your heart, and if we're honest, there will be moments when you break theirs too.
The critical question isn't whether you'll fail—it's how you'll handle that failure.
Many parents give up. Not always outwardly, but internally. They raise their hands in defeat, become apathetic, and stop truly parenting. They live defeated. But as followers of Christ, we don't have to live that way. We serve a God who has given us victory, who offers us grace, and who teaches us how to grow through our failures.
Your children need to see how you handle failure. Life is hard. Relationships are tough. And perhaps more than seeing you succeed, your kids need to witness how you respond when you fall short—how you get back up, how you seek God's forgiveness, how you humble yourself and try again.
The Gift of Parenting
Parenting is epic. It's a wonderful blessing. God describes Himself as a Father, which tells us something profound about the value and beauty of parenthood.
Think about the moment your child was born—that overwhelming rush of emotion, the beauty of new life, the weight of responsibility settling on your shoulders. Whether you felt terrified or confident, inadequate or prepared, you experienced something sacred.
Parenting doesn't stop when children grow up. It changes, but it continues. The role evolves from feeding and protecting to listening and advising, from teaching basic obedience to modeling mature faith. Eventually, many become grandparents, extending that influence to another generation.
Not everyone has been blessed with good parental examples. Some have experienced the pain of absent or abusive fathers and mothers. But God's design for parenting remains good, and His grace is sufficient to break cycles of pain and create new legacies of faith.
The Goal: Teaching Obedience
Ephesians 6:1-4 provides clear instruction for both children and parents:
"Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. Honor your father and mother—which is the first commandment with a promise—so that it may go well with you and that you may enjoy long life on the earth. Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord."
The first goal of epic parenting is teaching children to obey. This isn't popular in our culture, but it's biblical. Children naturally rebel—it's part of our fallen nature. They learn to say "no" and "mine" quickly. They constantly ask "why?" pushing against boundaries.
But obedience is protective. We teach children not to run into the street because cars can kill them. We teach them not to touch hot stoves because they'll get burned. Obedience isn't about control—it's about love and protection.
This lack of obedience has become glaringly evident in our culture. We see disrespect for authority everywhere—in schools, toward law enforcement, in public spaces. When children aren't taught to respect authority at home, they struggle to respect it anywhere.
Discipline is a necessary tool in teaching obedience. Proverbs 13:24 says, "Whoever spares the rod hates their children, but the one who loves their children is careful to discipline them." This doesn't mean abusive punishment—it means consistent, loving correction that teaches consequences.
The younger years are crucial. Children are impressionable, and this is when patterns are established. As they grow older, they begin making their own decisions, and the window of direct influence narrows.
Beyond Mechanical Obedience: Obedience from the Heart
But teaching obedience isn't enough. The second goal is teaching obedience from the heart.
We shouldn't be satisfied with children who obey mechanically, simply going through the motions. We want children who obey out of love, respect, and understanding.
When God gave Israel the law, He repeatedly reminded them WHY: "Because I love you. Because I care for you. Because I saved you from slavery." He was teaching them not just what to do, but why it mattered.
Deuteronomy 6:5-7 captures this beautifully: "Love the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength. These commandments that I give you today are to be on your hearts. Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up."
God instructs parents to teach consistently—at the dinner table, in the car, at bedtime, throughout everyday life. Look for opportunities to teach your children, to guide them, to explain the "why" behind the rules.
And how do we do this? We remind our children how much we love them—with words AND actions. Tell your kids you love them. Say it out loud. But also show it through sacrifice, through listening, through being present.
God showed His love through words and actions. He said "I love you" throughout Scripture, and He demonstrated it by sending His Son. "For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life" (John 3:16).
Living It Out: Your Life Is the Message
The third goal requires your life. You must model what you teach.
Epic parenting is obedience from the heart to God—and your children need to see that in you first. It's not about getting your kids to simply obey you; it's about teaching them to obey God and His ways.
This requires that you know God's Word. You must be reading Scripture, building your relationship with God, learning how to live by His principles. Then you teach your children those same truths—verbally and through your actions.
Your children will reflect what you do more than what you say. After 25 years of youth ministry experience, it's clear: kids whose parents model faith at home—not just at church—develop genuine, lasting relationships with God. But children whose parents live one way at church and another way at home learn to live shallow, divided lives.
Your children need to see your relationship with God. They need to see you studying the Bible, spending time in prayer, falling on your knees when times get tough. They need to watch you turn to God for answers, handle adversity with faith, and respond to failure with grace and repentance.
When your children see you model authentic faith, they learn what it looks like to truly follow Jesus. When they face their own hard times, they'll know where to turn.
The Ultimate Goal: Leading Your Kids to Christ
Your goal as a Christian parent is to lead your children to Christ. That is your responsibility. You're making disciples in your home.
You're teaching them to obey. You're teaching them to obey from their heart. And you're teaching them to obey from their heart for God and to God.
One of the greatest days in a parent's life is when a child says, "God is not just your God anymore. He's MY God. I follow Him now because I know Him, and I choose Him."
That's why we do this. That's why we persevere through the hard days, the failures, the heartbreaks. That's why we keep praying, keep modeling, keep teaching.
Parenting is epic because God designed it. And when we follow His instructions, trust His grace, and model His love, we participate in something eternally significant—raising the next generation to know and love the God who first loved us.
Parenting is one of life's greatest adventures—and one of its most challenging. It's a journey filled with joy, heartbreak, laughter, and prayers whispered in desperation. If we're honest, every parent has moments when they feel completely overwhelmed, unsure of what to do next, crying out, "God, help us!"
But here's the truth: if God gave us the gift of parenthood, then it's epic. It's good. It's part of His perfect design. And if God designed it, He also provided instructions for how to do it well.
The Reality of Imperfect Parenting
Let's start with what parenting is NOT: it's not perfect. There are no perfect parents, just as there are no perfect marriages or perfect friendships. We all struggle with sin, pride, and selfishness. We're prone to wander, prone to want our own way.
Every parent will fail at some point. You'll make mistakes. You'll blow it. Your kids will break your heart, and if we're honest, there will be moments when you break theirs too.
The critical question isn't whether you'll fail—it's how you'll handle that failure.
Many parents give up. Not always outwardly, but internally. They raise their hands in defeat, become apathetic, and stop truly parenting. They live defeated. But as followers of Christ, we don't have to live that way. We serve a God who has given us victory, who offers us grace, and who teaches us how to grow through our failures.
Your children need to see how you handle failure. Life is hard. Relationships are tough. And perhaps more than seeing you succeed, your kids need to witness how you respond when you fall short—how you get back up, how you seek God's forgiveness, how you humble yourself and try again.
The Gift of Parenting
Parenting is epic. It's a wonderful blessing. God describes Himself as a Father, which tells us something profound about the value and beauty of parenthood.
Think about the moment your child was born—that overwhelming rush of emotion, the beauty of new life, the weight of responsibility settling on your shoulders. Whether you felt terrified or confident, inadequate or prepared, you experienced something sacred.
Parenting doesn't stop when children grow up. It changes, but it continues. The role evolves from feeding and protecting to listening and advising, from teaching basic obedience to modeling mature faith. Eventually, many become grandparents, extending that influence to another generation.
Not everyone has been blessed with good parental examples. Some have experienced the pain of absent or abusive fathers and mothers. But God's design for parenting remains good, and His grace is sufficient to break cycles of pain and create new legacies of faith.
The Goal: Teaching Obedience
Ephesians 6:1-4 provides clear instruction for both children and parents:
"Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. Honor your father and mother—which is the first commandment with a promise—so that it may go well with you and that you may enjoy long life on the earth. Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord."
The first goal of epic parenting is teaching children to obey. This isn't popular in our culture, but it's biblical. Children naturally rebel—it's part of our fallen nature. They learn to say "no" and "mine" quickly. They constantly ask "why?" pushing against boundaries.
But obedience is protective. We teach children not to run into the street because cars can kill them. We teach them not to touch hot stoves because they'll get burned. Obedience isn't about control—it's about love and protection.
This lack of obedience has become glaringly evident in our culture. We see disrespect for authority everywhere—in schools, toward law enforcement, in public spaces. When children aren't taught to respect authority at home, they struggle to respect it anywhere.
Discipline is a necessary tool in teaching obedience. Proverbs 13:24 says, "Whoever spares the rod hates their children, but the one who loves their children is careful to discipline them." This doesn't mean abusive punishment—it means consistent, loving correction that teaches consequences.
The younger years are crucial. Children are impressionable, and this is when patterns are established. As they grow older, they begin making their own decisions, and the window of direct influence narrows.
Beyond Mechanical Obedience: Obedience from the Heart
But teaching obedience isn't enough. The second goal is teaching obedience from the heart.
We shouldn't be satisfied with children who obey mechanically, simply going through the motions. We want children who obey out of love, respect, and understanding.
When God gave Israel the law, He repeatedly reminded them WHY: "Because I love you. Because I care for you. Because I saved you from slavery." He was teaching them not just what to do, but why it mattered.
Deuteronomy 6:5-7 captures this beautifully: "Love the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength. These commandments that I give you today are to be on your hearts. Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up."
God instructs parents to teach consistently—at the dinner table, in the car, at bedtime, throughout everyday life. Look for opportunities to teach your children, to guide them, to explain the "why" behind the rules.
And how do we do this? We remind our children how much we love them—with words AND actions. Tell your kids you love them. Say it out loud. But also show it through sacrifice, through listening, through being present.
God showed His love through words and actions. He said "I love you" throughout Scripture, and He demonstrated it by sending His Son. "For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life" (John 3:16).
Living It Out: Your Life Is the Message
The third goal requires your life. You must model what you teach.
Epic parenting is obedience from the heart to God—and your children need to see that in you first. It's not about getting your kids to simply obey you; it's about teaching them to obey God and His ways.
This requires that you know God's Word. You must be reading Scripture, building your relationship with God, learning how to live by His principles. Then you teach your children those same truths—verbally and through your actions.
Your children will reflect what you do more than what you say. After 25 years of youth ministry experience, it's clear: kids whose parents model faith at home—not just at church—develop genuine, lasting relationships with God. But children whose parents live one way at church and another way at home learn to live shallow, divided lives.
Your children need to see your relationship with God. They need to see you studying the Bible, spending time in prayer, falling on your knees when times get tough. They need to watch you turn to God for answers, handle adversity with faith, and respond to failure with grace and repentance.
When your children see you model authentic faith, they learn what it looks like to truly follow Jesus. When they face their own hard times, they'll know where to turn.
The Ultimate Goal: Leading Your Kids to Christ
Your goal as a Christian parent is to lead your children to Christ. That is your responsibility. You're making disciples in your home.
You're teaching them to obey. You're teaching them to obey from their heart. And you're teaching them to obey from their heart for God and to God.
One of the greatest days in a parent's life is when a child says, "God is not just your God anymore. He's MY God. I follow Him now because I know Him, and I choose Him."
That's why we do this. That's why we persevere through the hard days, the failures, the heartbreaks. That's why we keep praying, keep modeling, keep teaching.
Parenting is epic because God designed it. And when we follow His instructions, trust His grace, and model His love, we participate in something eternally significant—raising the next generation to know and love the God who first loved us.
Melvin Vandiver
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